“Keep your dreams alive. Understanding to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”
- Gail Devers
Can we have it all? At some point a professional female who is also a mother, will have to wrestle with the concept of having it all. What is having it all? Most often the answer is some variation of having kids, a fulfilling relationship, and thriving professional career, etc. I believe we can, but first we have to be clear about what having it all specifically means to us, what are our true priorities, what will it look and feel like to have it all. In essence, what is our vision, are we using our imagination to think about what’s possible versus what’s probable.
When I was playing full time, I was all in. I spent most of my energy and internal resources working towards my on the court goals. After the Rio Olympics, I knew I wanted to prioritize motherhood, so my plan was to try to get pregnant as quickly into the Olympic Quad (4 year cycle) and then I’d have more time to come back. I accomplished that goal of getting pregnant but then I had a hard time imagining giving my daughter my all and then having the energy to train the way I used to on the court. I used to be first one in, one of the last to leave and that wouldn’t work as well with a little one at home waiting for me.
“We should go after our dreams and not be apologetic about it, but it’s scary. Whether you want to work or not, you have to do what makes you a fuller person. You have to love yourself.”
– Catherine Reitman
There had been a couple mothers that had returned to play, but they were an exception, not the rule, and it was hard for me to see the path moving forward. So I just chose my motherhood and put an end to my playing career. About a year later, I got the itch, which I’ve discussed in more detail in an earlier post, and I wanted to at least discuss coming back, but then I talked myself out of it. Worrying that it would be too hard and not having the imagination to see what it could look like.
Then I decided to get into coaching, staying connected to the sport. As with anything that I wanted to excel at, I went all in. Got an opportunity to coach college and for those that do it, know it’s a grind. It was hard! Rewarding, but hard. Long hours and lots of traveling. I was on my second kid and it felt like I was missing out. The perk of coaching was that it made me realize that I needed something outside my kids that I found fulfilling. The time commitment and the fact that my husband had found his path post sports and was pulling him in a different direction, I decided to step away from coaching. It would be there for me someday if I wanted to come back to it, but for that period of time, what was best was to step away.
“For me, being a mother made me a better professional, because coming home every night to my girls reminded me what I was working for. And being a professional made me a better mother, because by pursuing my dreams, I was modeling for my girls how to pursue their dreams.”
I had some time to figure out my priorities. Balancing my wanting something fulfilling for myself, wanting to complement my husband finding his passion and purpose, and being active and present for my kids. I still had that itch to play and I needed to find a way to scratch it. I needed to reimagine what playing looks like with kids, it won’t look exactly how it looked before but that didn’t mean I couldn’t pursue it. I needed to use my imagination and think outside the box. Maybe the path that I follow to pursue motherhood and a professional playing career would help others have imagination or see that it’s possible.
I got back into playing, and I took my kids with me and it was great. It was also very hard and tiring, but they got to witness me going for it out on the court, and that was important as well. We had six mothers in the league I was playing in and we were supported, we could talk about the challenges and the rewards that came with it, and we could share that with other future mothers who were contemplating doing both. We can help each other!! Another reason for my wanting to create a community for mothers who are trying to be their best self at home, for themselves, their partner, and their kids, and still pursue what lights them up professionally.
“As a working mother, I know that women can be both professionally ambitious and deeply committed to their families.”
– Tory Burch
I have a much clearer vision for myself both professionally and as a mother. I am protective of my time with them, but I still make time for me, which right now includes playing, mindset coaching, and more recently building a community or platform for mom professionals to have dialogue around any and all issues that come up while in the pursuit of having it all! Comment below if you’re in the middle of that pursuit, how is it going for you?
Thank you for sharing this insight and your experiences Alisha! It’s wonderful to watch young, solid moms and professionals pursue their dreams. The consistent piece is to continually dream and hold tight to our desires while modeling that for our children. The part that needs a looser grip is what it looks like and manifests into within each season of life. As we evolve as women and as our kids evolve in their own lives, continuing to dream and seeking alignment for each person.
I find the pursuit to continue even when you’re children evolve into young adults. Maintaining the balance just looks a little different. Same emotions, dreams, hopes and desires.