A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.
-Mark Twain
Is anyone out there struggling with habits and routines? Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one. It’s never been in my personality to do the same thing in the same order day after day. I appreciate the people that do. When I was training on the national team, the majority of my day consisted of activities and decisions that would help me to be my best. Actively trying to sleep more, paying attention to what I ate, developing a mindfulness practice, physical fitness and utilizing various recovery tools and modalities, I was all in. However, even then, I still struggled to find a rhythm. I took my vitamins at different times a day, for a week I would have a nice morning routine, and then the next week I'd lose momentum there. It’s funny to me that I know myself to be a hard worker and to throw myself into something I’m passionate about with full force, and at the same time I really lack discipline in routine and habit formation.
I’m part of that group of people that start journaling but never get to the end of it or write down New Years Resolutions with little to no follow through. All throughout my school years, I loved the beginning of the year, getting organized, looking for the perfect planner, but one month, maybe two months in, I’m no longer using it. The more I got away from the habit, the more shame I felt for not sticking to it, which led to avoidance and most likely giving up.
“Let today be the day you give up who you've been for who you can become.”
-Hal Elrod
This is not a success story, YET. I’m not at the other end now looking back, I’m in it. I’m still working on it. I’ve learned that habit stacking is a great tool, but I have very few things that I do routinely at the same time everyday, so it’s hard to not have an anchor to start stacking onto. I have learned to prioritize one or two things you want to change at a time, and not change everything all at once. I’ve also been working to give myself the grace and just jump back in even if I got off the rails for a bit. Just restarting without judgment, rather than avoiding or giving up.
Then there’s motherhood, where people tell you about the importance of schedule and routines. I knew that I would have to work on that for my children. In some ways, they have made me better, and in some ways, my ability to still thrive without structure has helped them.
I never had a written down feeding or sleeping schedule, I just had guidelines that I would follow. As they’ve gotten older, we have a little more flow to our days at home, but we deviate often, some days are spent doing school activities, some days are spent in the pool, some at the park, etc. We have a bedtime routine to signal time to wind down, but the actual bedtime fluctuates because when I get dinner on the table fluctuates. And while I could look at those who have that routine down to a consistent time schedule and feel less than, I choose to continue to work at the consistency and at the same time appreciate how resilient they are without that consistency.
“The greatest illusion," said the mole, "is that life should be perfect.”
- Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse
One way that their flexibility has been helpful is in traveling. They are great travelers. We travel with them a decent amount and we change time zones and environments and schedules, and they do great. I appreciate that they go with the flow and can handle being a little off kilter. Two things can be true at the same time. I can recognize my weaknesses and work on developing more consistent habits for myself and my kids, and at the same time, I can also appreciate that I’m doing the best I can and that they are great kids.
There’s science behind the idea that we should spend more time highlighting our strengths than being overly critical about our weaknesses. It doesn’t mean you can’t work on your weaknesses, but let’s celebrate more of the times when we get it right! I’m going to keep working on having more of a consistent morning routine. It will most likely require me to get up before my kids, which helps if I get to sleep earlier, and it will require some discipline and mindfulness. I get distracted by the next thing I’m supposed to do in the morning, rather than sticking to the 3-5 things I’d like to do for me in the mornings. I can be better there, and saying it to a community allows for some accountability.
What are you working on? Any way I can help support you in that? Let’s be in this together.
“Celebrate the excitement of trying to build something new and wonderful.”
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